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29 KB Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:54 No.84958249  
NPC general

>standing behind counter
>some guy bursts in covered in blood
>buys a health potion
>he's the only customer I ever have
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:55 No.84958306
>walking in the forest
>random guy comes and kills me
>repeat infinity times
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:55 No.84958322
>be a poor merchant in old town
>actually trillionare
>always buy shit from the hero
>why do i still live here?
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:56 No.84958342
>Truth is, I don't know anything
>Let's make this hero guy find me some gold so I can tell him I don't know anything
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:57 No.84958384
>I don't think I've slept or eaten anything in years!
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:57 No.84958385
>be a sage of the land
>find the smallest whiniest kid I know
>tell him he must stop an ancient evil
>he says no
>I keep repeating the story until he says yes
I know how to deal with these smartass hero types.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:57 No.84958396
>16 of my clones floating around in ever area
>only customer is green capped little shit
>wish i could love again
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:57 No.84958407
>Guy comes and talks to me
>Interrupts while I'm talking
>Tries talking to me again, didn't catch what I said
>"Better get going, player!"
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:57 No.84958414
>Sit in same spot all day
>Go home to sleep
>Go back to spot
>Random Adventurer asks me about rumors.
>Go Home to Sleep
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:57 No.84958427
>"yeah hi, my name is Gamon and I-"shplat
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958455
>only ever talk to one man
>repeat single phrase to him over and over again
>make him pay to identify items
>throw money in fountain
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958456
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>tell some random faggot to go to the top of the mountain
>he ventures through 100 levels of treacherous lava dungeons
>he solves fiendish puzzles
>he kills graxjkgcsjk, the demon dragon
>he steals the dragon's treasure and brings it to me
>give him 10 gold and tell him his quest is over
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958466
>heavily armed man is crouched beside me rummaging through my pockets for my handful of change
>I never notice him
>> GaryOak11 !zQZQqTfh3Q 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958468
>Guy comes up to me
>Says Hello
>Stands there for a good 2 minutes saying nothing
>"I better get going"
>Every fucking time
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958469
>Hear this crazy story from Larry the other day about a 7-armed man in the Cave of Doom that steals away children
>Think he's full of it
>Tell the newcomer to town about how stupid Larry is being
>Newcomer comes back three Inn stays later, with 7 arms in his backpack
>Offers to sell them to Hugh, owner of the Item Store
>Hugh is too scared to refuse the guy who JUST CAME INTO TOWN HOLDING 7 ARMS, so he offers him, like, 70 gold for it
>Never visit Larry ever again
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958473
>hide in obscure location
>motherfucker finds me
>give him my sunglasses so he'll go away
>pull out spare pair, cuz I predicted this moment.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958474
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>sell adventurers weapons
>secretly know they'll find it in the next cave
>buy the 2nd one back for 1/800th of the sale price
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:58 No.84958480
They never stay a while and listen ;_;
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:59 No.84958504
>my voice acting is terrible
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:59 No.84958507
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>work at trade store
>some traveler keeps bringing in loads of shit
>I buy it all
>he never buys anything from me
>I never leave store because he comes in at all hours of the day
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)01:59 No.84958516
Walked back and forth in front of my house today

the hero tried to talk to me but i couldnt stop talking about pressing A to check containers
>> Rouage D'horloge !!kA03o28R3Wn 01/26/11(Wed)01:59 No.84958534
A more correct version OP.

>Standing behind counter
>Some normal looking guy runs in
>Sells me shit load of junks
>Bought a over 100 potions which seemingly disappears
>Leaves without saying goodbye
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:00 No.84958589
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>chilling at home
>some guy bursts in
>I'm a nice guy so i talk to him anyways
>he goes into every room of my house taking shit from my chests
>he leaves before I can stop him
>my face when he found the elixr I hid in the pot
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:01 No.84958607
>Stand in the same spot all day every day
>Say the same thing to protagonist every day
>Watch the sun stay in the same place when he/she isn't there
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:01 No.84958612
>standing guard in pot storage (vases and shit, not weed dumbass)
>green tunic foolio runs in and smashes all of them, takes the money thats inside (wtf?)
>runs out and runs back in
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:01 No.84958631
>hanging out in town
>buff gruff adventurer comes and talks to me
>I freak out and say the first thing that comes to mind
"You can press A to interact with certain objects!"
>I don't know what the fuck A is
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:01 No.84958632
this has to do with oblivion
>thieves stealing my merchandise
>higher adventurer to get rid of them
>give him key to my store
>come back the next day
>all of my merchandise is gone
>three dead bodies
>never clean them up. ever.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:01 No.84958635
So there I was, ready to finally tap my bitch. Romantic dinner, some nice drinks, things are going great. Just as I'm reaching up her skirt, this hero barges into the house and starts throwing my fucking vases around! We freeze up, watching but not donig anything until the pillaging ends, then the guy starts talking to me. Hello, I got my hand up a fucking skirt, why do you need me to tell you about the Evil Empire right now?!

Guy finally leaves, but by then I tried to grope her and she said there was no way...
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:02 No.84958676
>walk around town
>never sleep
>never eat
>always waiting for the moment some adventure comes up to me so I can tell him about strange monsters appearing in the forest
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:02 No.84958716
>walking around town as usual
>some guy is trying to talk to me
>I keep walking and trying to get away
>he stands in front of me
>I can't move and have to talk to him
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:03 No.84958729
>just sit in my house all day
>Find an elixir
>Plan on selling it to someone to earn enough to pay my rent
>Hide it in my clock thinking that nobody will check a clock for an elixir
>Some random thief busts in
>Goes straight for my clock and takes the elixir while muttering something about there always being an elixir in the clock
>Paralyzed with fear, can't do anything, he just leaves
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:03 No.84958770
>be a successful business man and have one of the most largest and most successful shops
>my fault is, I like to buy worthless shit when people offer it to me
>I bought 1000 green plates and 500 coffee mugs from this one guy who offered them to me and now I'm really poor
>> Gentlemen 01/26/11(Wed)02:03 No.84958790
>Running 100 RADs one day
>Marked One walks in with a huge backpack
>Sells me multiple guns that I dont have the ammo for
>Pay him 100k ruples
>Have to mortgage the bar to Duty.

Seriously, where does Barman get all that money?
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:04 No.84958812
>be a barmaid
>always stand in front of your house
>never go to work
>why am i the worst npc in this game besides wirt
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:04 No.84958821
>Seek out the champion of the land
>Need to reveal important plot point
>Hero cuts me off halfway through every sentence
>Pick up the next sentence without a thought

This is what they teach you in NPC speech skills class.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:04 No.84958845
>keep walking in place while i talk
>say the same thing every time anyone talks to me no matter how many times i've said it before
>> Danger McThunderthighs !Zq4YGFw5tU 01/26/11(Wed)02:05 No.84958861
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>Stand facing a wall
>Asshole comes up to me
>I tell him I'm busy
>He leaves
>Continue staring at wall into the night
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958892
seiken densetsu , secret of mana and whatever

>walking around town
>group of adventures push me against a wall
>start raping me
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958893
>I am error
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958903
>Have to fix a bridge
>Some guy wants to cross it
>Slack off until he talks to everyone else in town because he's a jerk that took the sword I left at home
>Magically fix it in a second when he's done
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958920
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958928
>live my life miserably because I'm ugly as shit
>this fucking dude runs up, I figure he's a bandit because he's in glass armor
>he stands in front of me and swear to god his face zooms up into mine while his body stays still
>he doesn't move his mouth yet somehow I know what he's asking of me
>I'm petrified, I don't move, don't even blink, but tell him what he wants to know
>he "says" goodbye and his face reappears where it should be
>he runs off to talk to hilda the beggar and she gets so scared her voice changes
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958929
>Own store
>Need to make money
>Hire poor kid to get me money
>I'm not the NPC
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958933
>>standing around in town
>>hear gunshots
>>see an armed guy in a blue jumpsuit running down the street
>>he runs off with several people in pursuit shooting at him
>>FUCKING VANISHES as soon as he gets to the town gate
>>this happens every other day

someone tell me what the fuck is going on
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958953
>be a grandfather
>i was once a great soldier but i recently retired
>i'm training my grandson and his friends in the ways of war
>every day i wake up i get a REAL bad feeling from that kid with the pale skin
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958958
>Intercept running guy with information
>He's seemingly uninterested
>I ask him if he wants to hear what I said again
>He has been nodding all the time and didn't stop when I asked so I better repeat it
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:06 No.84958961
>no one wants my supplies
>the ones that do never have enough monies
>i can't give credit

filthy jew general.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:07 No.84958981
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>Omaha landing beach (for the 4012893458076432th time)
>run up to the shingle
>wait there till the player reaches me
> give him bagalores
>wait there the rest of the day as I don't have to risk my life whatsoever
>mfw I go home to my family without a scratch
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:07 No.84958991
>Own a tavern in a small town
>Never serve alcohol
>Spend my days trading in odds and ends, giving out free advice
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:07 No.84958994
>Run small-town tavern in middle of nowhere
>Random guy comes in with assloads of armor and books and junk to sell to me
>keeps coming, see imperial armor in excessive amounts, keep paying for it
>suspect nothing
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:07 No.84959007
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>I am but a humble blacksmith
>My entire village has just been wiped out by cultists
>Said cultists are using the blood of the innocents to summon their dark god
>All life as we know it will be snubbed out if they are not stopped
>By chance a valiant hero who has been tracking the cultists shows up
>He tells me not to worry, he will avenge my village and stop their madness
>He needs supplies
>Charge him full price
>My face
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:08 No.84959044
>Standing around town
>Generic looking teenager with a sword comes up and talks to me
>Tell him he can open the menu by pressing the 'START' button
>I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about
>Stand in the same spot for the rest of my life
May as well since I don't have a house.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:08 No.84959054
oh god i remember that quest

so funny how those dead bodies would stick around forever

>get into predicament
>young troupe of teens comes and helps me
>give them silver pieces for their troubles
>couldve bought weed for those silver pieces but that damn dragon flying in here every week
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:09 No.84959108
>Sit down.
>Eat out of my hands.
>Some dude walks in.
>Buys and sells with the barkeeper.
>Walks over to me for some reason
>Angle my head awkwardly starting at him in the eyes
>say -
>"Patrolling in the mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter."

fucker didn't even respond to my greeting.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:09 No.84959127
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>advise an adventurer that the evil guy planning to kill us all is weak to fire
>it actually heals him
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:09 No.84959133
>wake up
>walk outside my house
>see dead bodies everywhere
>send prayers to the body closest to me
>go to the inn and have some breakfast
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:10 No.84959170
>Omaha landing beach (for the 4012893458076432th time)
>get mowed down the second the door drops
>rinse, repeat
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:10 No.84959182
>appear out of nowhere in a car
>stop at red light
>italian dude pulls me out of the car and drives off with it
>he runs into a streetlight and wrecks it
>I get run over
>life's savings hover above my corpse
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:10 No.84959183
haha fucking this. god damn npc's need to give a fucking discount to the savior of the world.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:10 No.84959186
>Oh damn it, here comes Steve
>He thinks he's the "Chosen One" or whatever
>He also has short-term amnesia.
>Whenever we talk, have to repeat the same sentence at least 10 times
>It's village policy to stop whatever you're doing whenever Steve is around, otherwise he might hurt himself
>Feel a sigh creeping up as he just waits there, waiting for me to do something so he can ruin it all
>Determined to outlast him
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:11 No.84959249
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>Own a food and drink shop
>Guy walks in and tells me that he's going to sell me a bunch of useless shit (cloth scraps, animal bones, a few rusty weapons, etc)
>Why the fuck would I buy those from you? Not only are they useless but I own a fucking food and drink shop not a pawn shop
>Too beta to tell him this
>Buy his items from him anyway
>He had the nerve to not buy anything too
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:11 No.84959257
>Standing around in town
>Guy walks up to me
>I tell him a random fact
>I repeat myself when he talks to me again
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:12 No.84959262
>I work as a guard for a private corportation. We are nearly impenetrable.
>I work outside the room that has all the CCTV stuff, we didn't put a CCTV camera outside it, though.
>The memo came through that the best way to patrol here is to go in a square, staring at the wall for up to 15 seconds before going to the next wall
Impenetrable, faggots.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:12 No.84959281
Archive this shit
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:12 No.84959330
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>hungry as shit in the poultergeist of a castle
>can't talk very well because of my broken jaw disorder
>have to growl and walk very fast towards people to communicate
>everyone that comes here freak the fuck out when I walk towards them trying to say hello
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:13 No.84959357
>implying there isn't a thread exactly like this already archived
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:13 No.84959361
> Stand in a prison all day
> Guarding my master (The Emperor)
> Waiting for some fucking prisoner to spawn so We can begin the storyline
>Prisoner Spawns
>Wait For the Dark Elf to Insult him
>Walk down the hall
>Unlock the Door.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:13 No.84959375
>Work aboard an advanced warship as an advisor/yeoman
>Tell the commanding officer that he has new messages at his terminal
>------That's all for now
>Every fucking time.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:13 No.84959381
>patrolling the halls in my lord's castle
>see a dead guard
>warn the other guards
>cautiously walk around the rooms, looking for the murderer
>45 seconds passed
>oh well, back to my patrolling
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:13 No.84959383
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>all the other basic suppliers in other towns are rolling in cash
>my store is next to a wise old guy who teaches healing spells
>not earned a fucking penny in years
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:13 No.84959394
>i'm the only merchant in town with a good sum of gold
>buy tons of shit from a hero
>i'm over encumbered.
>he comes to kill me one day.
>i'm over encumbered.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:14 No.84959417

>Steve insists on going out at night, even though he's almost blind in the dark, bumps into things
>One time, years ago, he walked into one of the supporting pillars for our temple, causing it to collapse on itself. He thinks he "unleshes a terrible evil" and has to "Go adventure throughout the world to save us all"
>Mayor passes new law: Whenever Steve is awake, put on bright lights to he still thinks it's daytime
>Townspeople anxiously wait for Steve to go to bed so they can turn off the damn lights and sleep
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:14 No.84959434
Hey guys, do you ever get that feeling that, if you were to look at yourself from a bird's-eye view, you would look identical to thirty or forty other people across the land?
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:15 No.84959473
>whenever I throw a grenade, I have the disorder where I have to completely go through with it
>I've stuck my teammates before because of this

I'm so sorry, I never meant harm, you just walked in front of me, even through you KNEW I have this disorder :(
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:15 No.84959486
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>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:16 No.84959508
>stand infront of the oven in the king's palace
>forever, cooking the same roast for my entire life
>kid comes in every once and while, always tell him how good the roast smells
>I'd kill myself if I could move
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:16 No.84959525
I've seen grunts do this

it's fucking hilarious
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:17 No.84959545
>walking alone
>car chasing
>a police car run me over
>nobody care
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:17 No.84959546
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>Sitting down comfortably
>Adventurer wants to talk to me
>Get out of chair to discuss nothing of importance with him
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:17 No.84959556
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>Bunch of people running around causing trouble
>Hear one of them talking
>Said that I act like a human being perfectly, but I have no soul
>They continue to shoot up the school
>I think it's perfectly normal and forget about it 5 seconds later
>There's a guy that says random phrases and break dances in the halls everyday
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:17 No.84959583
>Be leader of a faction
>Hero shows up
>Hero is responsible for saving Azeroth from a titan reset (Algalon), the Lich King, stopping Kil'Jaden before he could be released, killing Illidan, Vashj, and Kael twice, and stopping two old gods amongst other feats of strength
>I don't give a fuck. Wear this tabard and kill small time shit over and over for a few weeks straight to prove to me that you're actually worthy.
>Also, because you saved our little faction from utter demise, I'll bump you from neutral to slightly friendly with us.

>You killed Cho'gal? Who fucking cares.
>You killed Vanessa VanCleef? WELCOME TO THE RANKS!
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:18 No.84959638
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>go to my usual bench
>begin to sit down
>maniac driving a car destroys the bench
>sit down anyway
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:19 No.84959659
fucking oblivion
>be asleep in bed
>awoken by a stranger in my house
>tell him to get the fuck out
>proceed to give him insightful information and laugh at his jokes
>go back to bed with him in my house
>he steals all my shit
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:19 No.84959670
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:19 No.84959673
>I'm a blacksmith
>guy bursts into my shop
>he's covered in blood, carrying dozens of bits of weapons and armor
>puts it all on the counter and stares
>hand him some coins
>try not to shit pants
>he leaves
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:19 No.84959680
>wander around cave
>suddenly a guy appears
>keep walking aimlessly until he attacks me
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:20 No.84959725
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:21 No.84959802
OP here. I made that one too. I didn't know it got archived, sweet.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:22 No.84959845
>be a regular guy in Liberty City
>some fucking foreign lunatic starts brandishing an RPG and an M16
>he starts firing and killing people indiscriminately
>explosions, blood and death everywhere
>need to get as far away from this nightmare as I can
>run for 5 feet
>its probably safe now
>continue walking normally and getting on with my day
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:22 No.84959876

>Steve walks warily down the street,
>With the brim pulled way down low
>Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet,
>Machine guns ready to go
>Are you ready, Are you ready for this
>Are you hanging on the edge of your seat
>Out of the doorway the bullets rip
>To the sound of the beat
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:23 No.84959901
who's NPC?
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:23 No.84959956
>use exclamation points for things that aren't actually interesting!
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:24 No.84959995
>Be an ex-thief trying to live out my remaining days in peice
>Man in strange green clothes comes to where I reside
>Threatens to reveal my past to get me to open a chest
>Its a fucking glass bottle
>That fucker better not tell anyone.
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:24 No.84959999
>Just sat down to eat
>Guy bursts in, jumps on my table
>Kicks all my shit off
>I remain calmly seated
>He picks up a spoon from the floor
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:24 No.84960002
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>"what do you want?"
>his face
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:25 No.84960021
>own an item shop
>some random orc come in with a pink cap and fucking sparkling armour
>looks like a gigantic faggot
>sells me his ultimate sword of death for 10 gold because apparently his whip of pink feathers is a better weapon
>take his shit
>he leaves
>laugh my ass off
>he comes back a weeks later looking for his shit
>hide it the second he comes in the door
>put on my coolface
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:25 No.84960031
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>guy wanders in
>he had a shitload of apples
>sells them to me for 3 coins each
>checks my stock
>i'm selling the apples for 40 coins each
>> Anonymous 01/26/11(Wed)02:26 No.84960092
So close.

But where was the get?