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86 KB Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:21 No.3180979  
So, does 40,000k have a festival legend like santa claus or somethin?
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:25 No.3181004
It's pretty much like the one in Futurama, actually.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:27 No.3181011
It's called Emperors Day, it's referenced quite a bit in Cain novels.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:29 No.3181020
it does, it's called candlemass and is celebrated the date of Holy Terra's winter solstice, people get together and eat, soldiers on service not currently fighting get an extra waffer on their rations, etc.

but for Orks every day is Christmas..
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:31 No.3181027
This thread is now about Ork christmas carols.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:31 No.3181030
santa is an ork, that's how he get's everywhere in the galaxy in one night: he paints his sleigh red.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:35 No.3181050
Killin' bellz, killin' bellz, killin' all da way!
Wot great fun it iz ta WAAAGH! in a one squig deffsleigh!
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:37 No.3181059
Given the obvious influences from the catholic church, I'd expect quite a lot of feasts celebrating various saints.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:37 No.3181060
This is more proof that in the dark future of the 41st millenium, there are no Jews, Arabs, Asians or black ppl.
All that remains are white ppl and their boring culture.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:38 No.3181064
Such classics as...
And who could forget..
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:38 No.3181065
Deck Da Halls in Humie Entrails! Waagh Waagh Waagh Waagh Waagh, Waagh Waagh Waagh WAAAAGH!!!!
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:42 No.3181075
Begin Transmission

Repetition of General Directive 264-A-XCIV

To: Distribution, Sectorium Primus From: Office of The Grand Inquisitor, Ebineezar Grinchanius Re: Yearly Chaos Incursion

This purpose of this notice is to remind the forgetful of the annual visitation by the minion of Chaos known to the unworthy as Santa Claus.

+++ The Emperor's Light Banishes the Shadows of Heresy +++

As the diligent will recall, the incursion occurs regularly every 8742 to 8766 terran hours, roughly corresponding to a terran year. This trespass has occurred with disturbing regularity since at least the Horus Heresy, and perhaps longer, as many records were misplaced.

+++ Love and Obey the Emperor +++

The faithful will recognize the target on sight, as his garb and gear mark him immediately as an agent of the abominations.

Santa Claus is a corpulent, bloated creature approximating the human form. It wears a crimson tunic the color of fresh blood, marking him as a possible follower of Khorne. It is bearded, mocking the honorable squats, and its hair is a sallow shade of gray, betraying its unnatural age. Be advised that despite the creatures fearsome name, no claws have been observed, and the former is likely a ruse.

The target has been observed in the company of smaller creatures having the appearance of thin (less than 30 kg, approx.), stunted (1.5 meters) humanoids with pointed ears. Their appearance suggests the involvement of the decadent Eldar, and although that race denies involvement (*reference the Rudolphian Campaign [index 111-BGE-MMXCII- Primus], specifically the Battle of Yukon Coneliaus IV [ibid., index 6]*), agents are advised to be prepared for their involvement, as the Eldar are known for their deceitful ways.

Santa Claus is conveyed by means of a grav-sled powered by unnatural livestock as detailed below.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:44 No.3181090
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>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:45 No.3181097
I'd think aside from Emperor's day, the planet a Saint was born on would also celebrate the day of his birth ("Greatful our we of Saint Jeholiviania; the woman who cured Nurgles fungle goiter").
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:46 No.3181101
Feast of the Emperor's Ascension, marking the day that the Emperor was placed onto the golden throne and became a god. It's 40k's equivalent festival to Christmas.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:46 No.3181106
it doest matter if you're Jews, Arabs, Asians or Black; in Christmas everyone gets together and worships Baal.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:48 No.3181109
The target's vehicle is a grav-sled. It has superfluous runners which are used only on landing and take-off. Despite the appearance, no frozen water is necessary for its operation (another ruse). The vehicle's resemblance to the foul Palanquin of Nurgle should not be discounted, even though the colors continue to be reminiscent of Khorne.

The device is powered by the unholy ministrations of eight or nine quadrupeds. Ordo Malleus scholars have identified these creatures as warped versions of an extinct species of terran mammal known as a Moose (reference 900002-ER-CIV). These beings single-mindedly pull the target's vehicle during its yearly invasion. They are outfitted with belled harnesses which are apparently imbued with the ability of flight. These beasts have been likened to the Fiends of Slaanesh, and such a comparison should not be dismissed too lightly, as the creatures shed a luminous substance as effluent as they move. Inquisitors should take care to avoid exposure.

Perhaps more disturbing is the variable number of the minion- creatures. On occasion, a ninth Moose has been observed, placed before the other Mooses. This creature radiates a sickly reddish glow from its snout, as a psychic beacon to other followers of the Vile Ones. This Chaotic device has allowed the target to navigate despite our best efforts to jam its navigation systems.

+++ Blessed is the Virtue of Blind Faith +++

Santa Claus gains entry to the domiciles of loyal Imperial Citizens (see below) and leaves small Chaos Rewards to tempt the faithful.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:50 No.3181124
It's mentioned in Honour Guard that Hagia has a whole lot of festivals and holidays celebrating Saint Sabbat.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:52 No.3181126
>All that remains are white ppl and their boring culture.

There is no single "white culture". Whitey is the most widespread and varied of all the "races".
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:53 No.3181132
What Emperor-fearing citizen would dare take a day off from His Work to worship anyone other than Him?
You may spend one hour of worship on your local saint per solar cycle and the rest of your designated prayer hours praising the Empra!
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:53 No.3181134
Inquisitors are reminded to confiscate and incinerate these items before any lasting damage is done. As a localized temporal distortion field is in effect around the target, these items are secreted in the habitations of the Imperium at exactly 2400 hours in every location defiled by the creature. It is therefore possible to gain entry to the citizens' cretches and remove the items (often cunningly hidden in footwear) before the citizens are aware of the heresy that has been committed upon them.

In other cases, removal of the items after the citizens have discovered them is possible. In such situations, small children are occasionally loath to surrender the items, as the tainting of the juveniles has already begun. Executions of the above are to be handled in the most expedient manner possible.

Often, juveniles that are well within the Emperor's Grace are given small blocks of graphite ore rather than the more tempting gifts visited upon the less faithful. The identity of these individuals are to be recorded, as future recruitment into the Inquisition or Adeptus Terra is possible. [Note: Inquisitors or other agents who do *not* receive the graphite stones should be watched carefully]

Santa Claus enters the domiciles be way of heating ducts and waste vents. The size of the opening is not a factor, as the creature can adjust its mass and displacement by means of psychic manipulation. Mining these openings with frag, krak and other demolitions has proven unsuccessful.

The creature egresses by the same means, after ritually caressing his nostrils. No mucus has ever been recovered.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:56 No.3181153
That's because you only know white culture. If you knew any other you would think differently.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)22:56 No.3181155
+++ The Death of Emperor's Enemies is the Only Gift We Can Give +++

Although all previous attempts at the destruction of Santa Claus have failed, Inquisitors are urged to make such an attempt whenever possible. However, of more importance is the suppression of cultist activity associated with the yearly incursion. The Tainted have been known to erect shrines in their homes in the form of shrubbery adorned with baubles and lights [Note: the shrubbery is often highly inflammable, and offers a discrete method of executing the offending heretics without calling undue attention to the operation]. Other warning signs include: hallucinations involving sugared candies during slumber; excessive singing; references to 'A magical time of year' (note the influence of Tzeentch); the construction of effigies made of snow; and the performance of Slaanishi rituals while underneath plant clippings of the genus phoradendron flavescens.

Once again, executions should be handled in an expedient manner.

End Transmission
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:02 No.3181192
By the small chance that you actually believe what you are saying, allow me to ask you a question.

When you say white culture do you mean Italian? German? Russian? South Africa? They are very different from one another.

Define white culture.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:07 No.3181214
Italians ain't white, them's Greasers, Russians ain't white, they're dirty slavs. Germans are just weird and South Africans are a divergence on the evolutionary tree.
You are white. You may be black as night but I knows you be white inside.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:12 No.3181228
If Santa was a warp spawn I could see it as being a herald of tzeentch. Giving people false hope and blind faith.
>> FUCKING POST DATA. Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:14 No.3181241
I've been around the world. Even eat with a family in Pakistan? I have. Spent a week living with a family in Malta? I have. Don't even get me started on Europe, been all over the place. I can confidently tell you that I prefer the "culture" down here in Texas over any other place I've been to. (Especially Pakistan it's like entertainment is illegal over there.)

Now you're just being plain stupid. I guess the only white people are the British, and the people from Leave it to Beaver.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:15 No.3181243
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:21 No.3181269
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>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:21 No.3181270
Tzeentcha Claus? Probably dresses Khornate just to piss off the Blood God.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:24 No.3181285
No I haven't had the fortune to eat with some Pakis but I did have to share a bottle of water with some when the train got stopped in the middle of nowhere for a day. I guess the eating part makes your cultural experience all the more richer. I couldn't get a dinner opportunity in Somalia either but I think it was more to do with there being nothing to eat rather than them not liking me. Actually I'm sure that grenade meant they didn't like me.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:25 No.3181291
>> Unholy Clown Ninja Maid Anonymous, tl;dr Xom's Champion !!0aKrfPDoCW4 12/15/08(Mon)23:28 No.3181311
In the 40,000th millenium, the plot still hasn't progressed.
>> Anonymous 12/15/08(Mon)23:44 No.3181408
Wasn't there a story posted way back about Santa versus the Nightbringer?
>> Anonymous 12/16/08(Tue)00:02 No.3181479
Try singing this in "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" tune. Then replace the word 'Kissing' with what ever words you want.

I go first.

[I saw mommy fucking, Santa Claus,
right under the mistletoe last night.
What a world it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy fucking Santa Claus last night.]

[I saw mommy raping, Santa Claus,
right under the mistletoe last night.
What a world it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy raping Santa Claus last night.]

Last one from me

[I saw mommy murdering, Santa Claus,
right under the mistletoe last night.
What a world it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy murdering Santa Claus last night.]
>> Anonymous 12/16/08(Tue)00:02 No.3181481
Try singing this in "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" tune. Then replace the word 'Kissing' with what ever words you want.

I go first.

[I saw mommy fucking, Santa Claus,
right under the mistletoe last night.
What a world it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy fucking Santa Claus last night.]

[I saw mommy raping, Santa Claus,
right under the mistletoe last night.
What a world it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy raping Santa Claus last night.]

Last one from me

[I saw mommy murdering, Santa Claus,
right under the mistletoe last night.
What a world it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy murdering Santa Claus last night.]

Alright, now you elegen/tg/entlemen try.
>> Armchair 12/16/08(Tue)00:15 No.3181542

I want to see this.