File :1219966114.jpg-(49 KB, 292x310, carnifex.jpg)
49 KB Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:28 No.2452318  
You wake up one morning to discover you have your own pet Carnifex. It'll obey your every command with perfect loyalty. It'll have whatever loadout you wish, but you cannot change it after you get the Carnifex.

What do you do?
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:29 No.2452332
     File :1219966175.jpg-(14 KB, 128x128, ss_haemonculus_grumenael_icon.jpg)
14 KB
I rape it.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:30 No.2452346
You wake up one morning to discover you have your own pet Master Chief. It'll obey your every command with perfect loyalty. It'll have whatever loadout you wish, but you cannot change it after you get the Master Chief.

What do you do?
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:37 No.2452400
Well, firstly, I'd make sure it's a female Spartan.

Secondly, I'd make certain to never, ever have sex with it no matter how tempting.

Thirdly, I'd use her to conquer this island I live on and set myself up as supreme ruler, like some kind of awesome Bond villain.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:37 No.2452405
I ride it into valhalla
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:41 No.2452428
I load the carnifex up with a venom cannon, get a council contract for pigeon extermination, and sit collecting cheques.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:43 No.2452451
If you don't ant to sex it up, why make it female?
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:43 No.2452452
The "no sex" leads to your inevitable failure. A female Spartan? That's like the best sex you're gonna get.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:44 No.2452460
The poster said "Master Chief", not "Spartan". Therefore you'll likely end up with THE Master Chief or else someone who is of the rank but not even a Spartan.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)19:48 No.2452487
Because all the coolest villains have impossibly deadly women as their bodyguards and/or assassins.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:03 No.2452569
Yeah, and the reason that's cool is because when they're not protecting the villain, they're sexing him mightily.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:05 No.2452579
A Spartan would break his body in half before foreplay was done. But it still has to be female as people are going to ASSUME he's hitting that, one way or another.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:06 No.2452585
     File :1219968379.jpg-(467 KB, 800x900, tyranid6.jpg)
467 KB
I make it this.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:07 No.2452594

Don't they end up sexing the hero behind the villain's back and ultimately betraying him?
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:08 No.2452604
So make sure she only ever wants to sex YOU and the hero has no weakness to exploit.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:09 No.2452619

Can I have a 40k 2nd ed Screamer-killer, back in the days when bio-plasma was basically a plasma cannon blast that was vomited out of the carnifex? If so i would... have a nerdgasm?
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:10 No.2452630
Dakkafex. Everything modern, tanks included, is equivalent to light infantry from 40k.

I'd use it to murder people I don't like. I'd invest in gold, then use it to kill G W Bush. Reap the reward as the gold price skyrockets.

I'd kill several dictators I don't like. Probably Paul Wolfowitz (sp?) as well, that guy is a fucking leech. The House of Saud would go down, and Dick Cheney is fucking dead. Margaret Thatcher, McNamara, and Mugabe would be meat. Tony Blair, and David Cameron would also get nailed.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:13 No.2452653
Then suddenly your Carnifex is killed by an aerial assualt. Good going dumbass.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:14 No.2452659
Er, you can still kill a 'fex with tanks and planes. It might take a while, but 1 'fex (even with regen) vs a tank division = tanks win. Especially if you're fighting at any range at all.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:16 No.2452670

Or nuke it... overkill, but...
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:17 No.2452680
Female so we can have monster sex.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:19 No.2452689
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:20 No.2452697
Let it lose at the Bilderberg Conference.

I'll bet the ruling elite of the world couldn't predict they'd lose their power being torn to pieces by an alien seige-engine from 38,000 years in the future.

The ironing would be delicious.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:22 No.2452708
I would set the 'fex somewhere very public where it would undeniably see coverage from many different networks in many different countries and could not be covered up.

The resulting shitstorm would be marvelous as would the ages of conspiracy theories and alien paranoia that result from it.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:23 No.2452711
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:24 No.2452716
I saw that a while ago.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:24 No.2452718
Yes. They're getting "ironed" flat by a carnifex.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:26 No.2452725
Any loadout? Within point limits, or could I give it everything on the list?
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:26 No.2452726
I'm not exactly going to have an open fight with the US army. I'd paint the 'fex with camouflage paint, it'd sneak in, in the middle of the night, then charge for the target. Or, it would ambush them at a public event. All it would have to do is get away, into the sewers for instance.

I'm not going to publish my list of targets either.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:27 No.2452737
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:27 No.2452738
Just tell her to "be gentle." Granted, that might end up as your version of "the roughest, best sex I've ever had."
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:28 No.2452745
I'd just walk around with it all the time. Even at work, and use it to fetch me things and run beside the car while im driving and rip apart anybody who is fucking around on the road.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:29 No.2452760
Wouldn't the muscle contractions tear your penis off?
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:30 No.2452763
Gentle or not, I think her vagina would punch you in the face. And anyhow it'd be like trying to shove your dick into a rock crevice.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:31 No.2452774
Still worth it.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:32 No.2452777
Now that I would pay to see.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:32 No.2452778
Sewer Sewer Sewer Sewer Sewer why am I typing this by hand?

Besides, it's also fucking tough and fucking fast. It could get to a forest, hide there.

Thinking about that, I'd kill loads of loggers. I'd eat them too, I always wondered what spic tastes like.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:35 No.2452798
How does it get inside the sewers? How does it even navigate the sewers? I don't think it looks like the easily-navigatable ones you see in Ninja Turtles or vidya gaems.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:39 No.2452817
     File :1219970348.jpg-(41 KB, 471x500, 1210047165394.jpg)
41 KB

>I'm not going to publish my list of targets either.

Hahahaha. Why? I case the NSA is just waiting for you to slip up and release who your targets are, foiling your carefully laden plans of world domination. Shut the fuck up man!
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:42 No.2452838
In most cities the sewers are laid out following the streets. Of course that doesn't mean you'd know where you are, although if you were good at judging distances you could probably guess.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:48 No.2452879
I'd give my Carnifex every fucking thing possible.

Then I'd make that fucker dig until it got crushed or burnt, because sooner or later it'll turn HIVEMIND and fuck everything up. Shit to that.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:48 No.2452880
In most cities, sewer access is man-sized, not Carnifex sized.

I don't think even Carnifexes are tough enought to dig a hole through solid concret, asphault and whatever else the street is made of.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:54 No.2452925
According to canon, Spartans have no sex drive.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:56 No.2452937
Get it to give me a hug.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:59 No.2452960
I always disliked that in fictional super soldiers. The sex drive is a pretty fundamental thing in the human brain.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)20:59 No.2452961
Get as many speakers as possible and a decent sound system, cover the carnifex with them, and then find some idiots who put stupidly large bass speakers in their cars and make their ears explode with CARNIFEX POWERED ROCK!!!
>> Prophet of Killogram !!UN/8XlZaOkl 08/28/08(Thu)21:01 No.2452973
if fucking raveners can do it, you better believe Carnifex can do it better.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)21:03 No.2452990
whell first i would be sad because IT WRECKED MY HOUSE GETTING IN then id hide it in my closet from the FBI
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)21:05 No.2452998
Not really, if Carnifexes were any good at it, they'd be able to do it in-game.

Even though an elephant is stronger than a woodpecker doesn't mean it can dig a hole in a tree worth a damn.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)21:10 No.2453034
your analogy is......

>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)21:11 No.2453039
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)23:17 No.2453904

Post as read by Brock Samson.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)23:27 No.2453979
Carnifex: if it's just the one i'd take genetic material from it and clone more, then use them to take over the world.

Master Chief: as above, but I'd deliberately have a female one who's super-hawt made for my sexual pleasure.
>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)23:29 No.2453995
Godfex loadout. Close Combat terror and damn near impossible to take down.

Ride on its back through the streets. Wear a cowboy getup and shout loudly "YEEEEEEEHAW" as the 'Fex rips an SUV in half.
>> Prophet of Killogram !!UN/8XlZaOkl 08/28/08(Thu)23:30 No.2454000
something about your post there suggests underage B&.

>> Anonymous 08/28/08(Thu)23:32 No.2454015
Consensual sex in the missionary position
>> Anonymous 08/29/08(Fri)00:29 No.2454395
>> Anonymous 08/29/08(Fri)00:32 No.2454421
     File :1219984371.jpg-(6 KB, 251x168, 1213936148702.jpg)
6 KB
You wake up one morning to discover you have your own pet cat. It'll obey your every command with perfect loyalty. It'll have whatever loadout you wish, but you cannot change it after you get the cat.
>> Anonymous 08/29/08(Fri)00:35 No.2454440

>It'll obey your every command with perfect loyalty

>> Anonymous 08/29/08(Fri)00:44 No.2454506
fex with tusks, claws, mace tail, devourers, regen, spine banks, extended carapace, adrenal glands, and what ever the +1 wound and +1 toughness upgrades are.
On top of the other plan I would
1. kill the white whale.
2. hire it our for kiddie rides
3. hire it out for assassinations
4. hire it our for parties
5. pick up chicks
6. invade france
7. love it unconditionally
8. declare myself a super-villain
>> Anonymous 08/29/08(Fri)01:03 No.2454607
>pick up chicks
>my hand