I rape it.

You wake up one morning to discover you have your own pet Master Chief. It'll obey your every command with perfect loyalty. It'll have whatever loadout you wish, but you cannot change it after you get the Master Chief.

What do you do?

>>2452346
Well, firstly, I'd make sure it's a female Spartan.

Secondly, I'd make certain to never, ever have sex with it no matter how tempting.

Thirdly, I'd use her to conquer this island I live on and set myself up as supreme ruler, like some kind of awesome Bond villain.

I ride it into valhalla

I load the carnifex up with a venom cannon, get a council contract for pigeon extermination, and sit collecting cheques.

>>2452400
If you don't ant to sex it up, why make it female?

>>2452400
The "no sex" leads to your inevitable failure. A female Spartan? That's like the best sex you're gonna get.

The poster said "Master Chief", not "Spartan". Therefore you'll likely end up with THE Master Chief or else someone who is of the rank but not even a Spartan.

>>2452451
Because all the coolest villains have impossibly deadly women as their bodyguards and/or assassins.

>>2452487
Yeah, and the reason that's cool is because when they're not protecting the villain, they're sexing him mightily.

>>2452569
A Spartan would break his body in half before foreplay was done. But it still has to be female as people are going to ASSUME he's hitting that, one way or another.

>>2452318
I make it this.

>>2452569

Don't they end up sexing the hero behind the villain's back and ultimately betraying him?

>>2452594
So make sure she only ever wants to sex YOU and the hero has no weakness to exploit.

>>2452318

Can I have a 40k 2nd ed Screamer-killer, back in the days when bio-plasma was basically a plasma cannon blast that was vomited out of the carnifex? If so i would... have a nerdgasm?

Dakkafex. Everything modern, tanks included, is equivalent to light infantry from 40k.

I'd use it to murder people I don't like. I'd invest in gold, then use it to kill G W Bush. Reap the reward as the gold price skyrockets.

I'd kill several dictators I don't like. Probably Paul Wolfowitz (sp?) as well, that guy is a fucking leech. The House of Saud would go down, and Dick Cheney is fucking dead. Margaret Thatcher, McNamara, and Mugabe would be meat. Tony Blair, and David Cameron would also get nailed.

>>2452630
Then suddenly your Carnifex is killed by an aerial assualt. Good going dumbass.

>>2452630
Er, you can still kill a 'fex with tanks and planes. It might take a while, but 1 'fex (even with regen) vs a tank division = tanks win. Especially if you're fighting at any range at all.

>>2452659

Or nuke it... overkill, but...

Female so we can have monster sex.

>>2452680
See
>>2452585

Let it lose at the Bilderberg Conference.

I'll bet the ruling elite of the world couldn't predict they'd lose their power being torn to pieces by an alien seige-engine from 38,000 years in the future.

The ironing would be delicious.

I would set the 'fex somewhere very public where it would undeniably see coverage from many different networks in many different countries and could not be covered up.

The resulting shitstorm would be marvelous as would the ages of conspiracy theories and alien paranoia that result from it.

>>2452697
Ironing?

>>2452689
I saw that a while ago.

>>2452711
Yes. They're getting "ironed" flat by a carnifex.

>>2452318
Any loadout? Within point limits, or could I give it everything on the list?

>>2452659
>>2452653
I'm not exactly going to have an open fight with the US army. I'd paint the 'fex with camouflage paint, it'd sneak in, in the middle of the night, then charge for the target. Or, it would ambush them at a public event. All it would have to do is get away, into the sewers for instance.

I'm not going to publish my list of targets either.

>>2452726
It's a CARNIFEX. It's FUCKING HUGE.

>>2452579
Just tell her to "be gentle." Granted, that might end up as your version of "the roughest, best sex I've ever had."

I'd just walk around with it all the time. Even at work, and use it to fetch me things and run beside the car while im driving and rip apart anybody who is fucking around on the road.

>>2452738
Wouldn't the muscle contractions tear your penis off?

>>2452738
Gentle or not, I think her vagina would punch you in the face. And anyhow it'd be like trying to shove your dick into a rock crevice.

>>2452760
>>2452763
Still worth it.

>>2452763
Now that I would pay to see.

>>2452737
Sewer Sewer Sewer Sewer Sewer why am I typing this by hand?

Besides, it's also fucking tough and fucking fast. It could get to a forest, hide there.

Thinking about that, I'd kill loads of loggers. I'd eat them too, I always wondered what spic tastes like.

>>2452778
How does it get inside the sewers? How does it even navigate the sewers? I don't think it looks like the easily-navigatable ones you see in Ninja Turtles or vidya gaems.

>>2452726

>I'm not going to publish my list of targets either.

Hahahaha. Why? I case the NSA is just waiting for you to slip up and release who your targets are, foiling your carefully laden plans of world domination. Shut the fuck up man!

>>2452798
In most cities the sewers are laid out following the streets. Of course that doesn't mean you'd know where you are, although if you were good at judging distances you could probably guess.

I'd give my Carnifex every fucking thing possible.

Then I'd make that fucker dig until it got crushed or burnt, because sooner or later it'll turn HIVEMIND and fuck everything up. Shit to that.

>>2452838
In most cities, sewer access is man-sized, not Carnifex sized.

I don't think even Carnifexes are tough enought to dig a hole through solid concret, asphault and whatever else the street is made of.

>>2452763
According to canon, Spartans have no sex drive.

Get it to give me a hug.

>>2452925
I always disliked that in fictional super soldiers. The sex drive is a pretty fundamental thing in the human brain.

Get as many speakers as possible and a decent sound system, cover the carnifex with them, and then find some idiots who put stupidly large bass speakers in their cars and make their ears explode with CARNIFEX POWERED ROCK!!!

>>2452880
if fucking raveners can do it, you better believe Carnifex can do it better.

whell first i would be sad because IT WRECKED MY HOUSE GETTING IN then id hide it in my closet from the FBI

>>2452973
Not really, if Carnifexes were any good at it, they'd be able to do it in-game.

Even though an elephant is stronger than a woodpecker doesn't mean it can dig a hole in a tree worth a damn.

>>2452998
your analogy is......

just......yeaaaaaaaa

>>2452937
unyuuu~

>>2453034

Post as read by Brock Samson.

Carnifex: if it's just the one i'd take genetic material from it and clone more, then use them to take over the world.

Master Chief: as above, but I'd deliberately have a female one who's super-hawt made for my sexual pleasure.

Godfex loadout. Close Combat terror and damn near impossible to take down.

Ride on its back through the streets. Wear a cowboy getup and shout loudly "YEEEEEEEHAW" as the 'Fex rips an SUV in half.

>>2453979
something about your post there suggests underage B&.

PROBABLY THE "SUPER-HAWT" YOU FUCKING FAGGOT.

Consensual sex in the missionary position

bump

You wake up one morning to discover you have your own pet cat. It'll obey your every command with perfect loyalty. It'll have whatever loadout you wish, but you cannot change it after you get the cat.

>>2454421

>It'll obey your every command with perfect loyalty

THATS NO FUCKING CAT
ITS A DEMON IN DISGUISE

>>2453995
THIS IS A GOOD PLAN
fex with tusks, claws, mace tail, devourers, regen, spine banks, extended carapace, adrenal glands, and what ever the +1 wound and +1 toughness upgrades are.
On top of the other plan I would
1. kill the white whale.
2. hire it our for kiddie rides
3. hire it out for assassinations
4. hire it our for parties
5. pick up chicks
6. invade france
7. love it unconditionally
8. declare myself a super-villain

>>2454506
>pick up chicks
>my hand