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201 KB Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:49 No.6110474  
>> suomynonA 10/06/08(Mon)03:50 No.6110488
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The book really isn't that bad. I can't wait for the movie to come out.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:50 No.6110491
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>> dasheer 10/06/08(Mon)03:51 No.6110499
You know if it wasn't for /co/ I might not know of its existence.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:51 No.6110501
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>> The Good Tripfag !!izWiY6fqssM 10/06/08(Mon)03:51 No.6110502
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Wow dude, i never saw that before is so new and unexpected.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:51 No.6110507
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:52 No.6110510
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:52 No.6110518
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:53 No.6110523
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:53 No.6110524
>I have terrible taste.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:54 No.6110530
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:54 No.6110535
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The actor playing him thinks it's stupid.

He's right
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:54 No.6110536
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:57 No.6110560
The way Amanda Bussell draws Bella is pretty hot, but that seems to be true of all the women she draws.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)03:58 No.6110571
I just can't get over the concept of a sparkle vampire.
>> Snapper Carr 10/06/08(Mon)03:59 No.6110588
That guy? That guy just earned my respect.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:01 No.6110595

She's missing the point about what's so horrible about the books though.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:01 No.6110597

Fukken win
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:03 No.6110619
So it's not the fact that both the protagonist and her totally hawt prettyboy vampire boyfriend are total Mary Sues or that it reads like the fantasies of a fourteen year old girl or that its audience is extremely stupid young women?

What is it, then?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:04 No.6110628
...Sparkle vampires?

.....I need to read this book now just to observe such magnificent fail. TO THE LIBRARY!
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:05 No.6110637
psychic vampire/wolf baby love, being almost fucked to death, and spine shattering labor sound pretty cool too
>> suomynonA 10/06/08(Mon)04:07 No.6110663
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The author is a literature mongler.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:08 No.6110667
The first twilight book was good.

Then she had to drag it out and ruin with a terrible ending.

Also the Host is better then that series IMHO
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:09 No.6110680
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Superior sparkly man.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:09 No.6110686

She's emphasizing the happily ever after, ultra fantasy, perfect life thing. Which is in the books, but hardly the most horrendous part. I don't think the artist actually read the books, just heard people complaining about it, especially in that last panel. "I'm a 9 year old setting myself up for disappointment!"

The books are hardly a 9 year olds ideal. They would probably scare a 9 year old. When Bella and Edward have sex, Bella ends up covered in bruises. When she gives birth, she's literally ripped open, after the fetus breaks her spine and hips, ruptures her stomach, and punctures her lungs.

It's just bad writing. It's horrible, horrible writing. It isn't bad that Bella and Ed go "frolic in rainbows and pink happiness", that's a trope many books have. There's a lot more to go for if she actually read the books before making fun of them.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:10 No.6110690
She's hot.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:10 No.6110698
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Why did you even bother reading the books?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:10 No.6110700
>>When Bella and Edward have sex, Bella ends up covered in bruises. When she gives birth, she's literally ripped open, after the fetus breaks her spine and hips, ruptures her stomach, and punctures her lungs.
Wait a minute, that sounds awesome.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:11 No.6110704

She'll mongle your book!
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:11 No.6110709

Because I like having an informed opinion.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:11 No.6110711
Some stats from

Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372

Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5

Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.

References to Edward's Beauty: 165

Broken Down into the following categories -

* Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
* Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
* Eyes: 17
* Movement: 11
* Smile: 10
* Teeth: 8
* Muscles: 7
* Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
* Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
* Scent: 4
* Laughter: 3
* Handwriting: 2
* Chest: 2
* Driving Skills: 1
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:11 No.6110714

Okay, now we're getting a just little too close to talking about the Anita Blake books.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:12 No.6110723
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:12 No.6110724
The Number of Times...

* Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
* Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
* Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
* Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
* Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
* Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
o Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2 (She's not even allowed to kiss him back! Where's the fun in that?)
o Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
o Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
* Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
* Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
* Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
* Edward Sparkles: 3
* Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
o Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
* Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
* Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2
* Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
* Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:12 No.6110726

It's not worth it. It's really, really not.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:12 No.6110727
which just makes the fact that its not awesome worse
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:13 No.6110736
He probably heard that they were good, just like I did with the His Dark Materials books.

Goddamn, I have never read a more pretentious or preachy trio of books than that. The fact that every single character was either irritating, despicable, or just plain poorly written didn't help either.
>> suomynonA 10/06/08(Mon)04:13 No.6110738
>When Bella and Edward have sex, Bella ends up covered in bruises. When she gives birth, she's literally ripped open...

If that was what the books were only about, I'd read them in a heartbeat.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:14 No.6110748
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>> * Driving Skills: 1
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:14 No.6110752
Lines That Made Me Laugh Out Loud Because...Well, You'll See:

I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious.

Note: Unless I say otherwise, just assume such sentiments are referring to Edward in all his glory.

He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare.

Incandescent. Scintillating. The adjectives in this book cracked me up. Because he sparkles!

The meadow, so spectacular to me at first, paled next to his magnificence.

Paled! Is that a joke? Oh, she's serious? I was afraid of that.

As I had just that once before, I smelled his cool breath in my face. Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water.

This to me was the most disturbing aspect of Edward's inhuman perfection. It's just weird. And gross. And weird.

Edward: "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

Um, Ed, babe? You were seventeen when you were turned. I highly doubt those "hungers" were foreign to you.

I could smell the unbearably sweet fragrance coming off his chest.

He pressed his cool lips to my forehead, and the room spun. The smell of his breath made it impossible to think.

Because, through the heavy water, I heard the sound of an angel calling my name, calling me to the only heaven I wanted.

He leaned in slowly, the beeping noise accelerated wildly before his lips even touched me. But when they did, though with the most gentle of pressure, the beeping stopped altogether.

...EDWARD KISSES HER AND HER HEART LITERALLY STOPS. I just...I don't even know what to do with this. Other than laugh hysterically while I beat my head against the table.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:18 No.6110781
Have you read the Sword of Truth novels as well?

Because I have and I'm itching to know which is the worse series.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:19 No.6110795

..okay, postponing the trip to the library. Jesus christ, I've read a hell of a lot of fan fiction better than that. That's like mid-tier fanfic level right there. What the crap.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:19 No.6110800
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:20 No.6110808
>Edward Sparkles: 3

Oh lawdy-lew. They_do_describe him sparkling?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:21 No.6110819

It reads like a 14 year old's blog. Anything you would expect to be there, is here, minus ^^ or :). even RANDOM CAPS.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:21 No.6110821
And now my favorite part, the parody they wrote that although it was supposed to come off as such, turned out to read just like the shit thats in the book which only makes it funnier:


Edward leaned toward me, his perfect face inches from mine. His sweet, delicious breath ghosted over my face. His golden eyes glowed with love.

“How do you like it?” he whispered, his velvet voice purring in my ear.

I couldn’t respond, so dazzled was I by his sparkling skin. He shone like a diamond in the sun, a godlike creature before me.

He smirked at my befuddlement, but then his face darkened and he thundered, “Don’t be difficult, Bella!”

I cringed, but he instantly softened, chuckled his bell-like laugh, and leaned toward me again. His cold, pale fingers brushed my cheek. I stopped breathing.

“Come here,” he said, bounding up in one of those blindingly-fast movements I’d grown accustomed to. “I want to show you something.”

He led me to a small creek and sank gracefully into the grass at its edge. I tripped over a pebble and landed on my face in the mud. Edward laughed. How could he love me? He was so beautiful, gorgeous, and perfect. Like the statue of David come alive. Like Adonis, a god, an angel.

>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:22 No.6110834
Edward removed his shoes and rolled up the cuffs of his jeans, and I gasped at the sight of his white, smooth ankles. Sunlight reflected off his toenails, each an ivory glint of perfection. I’d never seen Edward’s feet before. I hadn’t realized he could be more beautiful than he was, but there seemed no end to his beauty.

My heart beat madly in my chest, bounced up into my throat, ricocheted off half a dozen ribs, and finally settled somewhere in the vicinity of my kneecap. I collapsed.

Faster than a speeding bullet, Edward had lifted me in his marble arms and cradled me to his granite chest. “Bella? Bella!” he screamed. “No!”

The sight of his perfect, glorious face so twisted in anguish sent waves of torture through my body. “Edward!” I gasped.

His cold, unyielding lips pressed to mine, but I dared not move for fear of breaking his control, so irresistible did he find the scent of my blood. I could not bear knowing I had caused Edward pain by forcing him to eat me. My heart fluttered around my kneecap.

The kiss done, Edward set me on my feet. Without moving, I tripped over a stick and would have fallen in the stream had Edward not caught me in his iron embrace.

“Will you answer a question?” I asked.

“Of course, my love, my life, my forever,” Edward said, casually tearing boulders apart with his toes. I watched, spellbound for a moment, before remembering myself.

“I once asked if you could turn into a bat, and you just laughed.”

Edward smirked. “Because it was a stupid question. We don’t turn into bats. Why would we want to turn into bats?”

“But can you turn into something?”
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:23 No.6110841
“Of course.” He stood, stretched, and his shirt rose enough for me to catch a glimpse of his sculpted abs above his waistband. I hyperventilated and passed out.

When I awoke, Edward was speaking.

“—for disguise.”

“What?” I asked breathlessly.

“I said, we turn into fruit. It’s great for disguising yourself.” He watched me carefully, to see if this revelation would finally be the one that convinced me he was a monster, that sent me screaming from him.

“Oh.” I said. “What kind of fruit?”

He looked frustrated, annoyed, euphoric, scared, nervous, grumpy, amused, sleepy, and sad. Like an archangel come down from heaven to bless me with his presence. “An apple.”

“Oh. Can I see?”

Rage colored his features. “No! Why can’t you understand? I’m a danger to you! I could kill you! I should leave you forever!” He threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around me. “I should go – right now! It’s the only way to keep you safe!”

Despair settled over me, so thick and heavy I could hardly see. “No, Edward! Don’t leave me! I know we’ve only been together for three hours, but I want to spend forever with you! Please!”

He pulled back and looked at me, thousands of emotions roiling in his liquid topaz eyes. “Do you mean that, Bella?”


“Very well.”
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:24 No.6110851
...His perfect, glorious, heavenly face dipped toward me, and he touched his cold lips to my neck. He growled deep in his throat, a sound that traveled up and down my spine like lightning.

Then came a sharp pain. His grip tightened. I gasped his name. My sight dimmed until all I could see was the sparkle of his skin, calling me to paradise.

Then nothing.


Edward looked down at the body of Bella Swan, pale and lifeless in his pale and lifeless arms.


His sobs shook the forest for six long seconds, and then he stood, wiping a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth.


He sprinted for the edge of the forest, moving faster than any living creature, and wondered if that Angela girl would be his new lab partner.

The End!
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:25 No.6110859
Oh fuck, loling hard.
By the way, I have all of the books except the newest one. TAKE THAT, THREAD.
Loved them when I was like, 14, but now, not so much.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:26 No.6110873
Book came out in 2005.

You are 17.

Get the fuck off 4chan.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:26 No.6110875
>It was originally published in hardcover in 2005
>Like 14.
You are 17.
Unless you had a birthday recently.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:27 No.6110885


Sparkle Boy:
I love you
*Angry Face*
I have to stay away!!
I love you
*Angry Face*
I have to stay away!!
I love you
*Angry Face*
I have to stay away!!

I'm pretty sure this sums up the book rather nicely?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:27 No.6110886

>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:28 No.6110901
> Loved them when I was like, 14, but now, not so much.

So that makes you what, like, 15?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:28 No.6110902
I'm 18, and I couldn't remember my exact age when I first started reading them, for christs sake.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:30 No.6110912
That's still pathetic.
My 12 year old sister herself told me that Twilight was shit.
You have no excuse for behaving that way.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:30 No.6110919

...I used to read shitty Relena-bashing Gundam Wing fanfic. I used to read shitty Mary Sue Dragonball Z fanfic. I used to visit and read shit on regularly and write shitty fanfic.

All of that shit is better than what I just read. I must read this, if only to laugh harder than I just did for the last couple of minutes. Anyone know where I can dl this crap (I'm not paying money for this shit)?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:30 No.6110923
Comment on the blog post:

Truest of true facts: When I first read Twilight, I was under the impression that it had to get really awesome sooner or later, because it wasn't quite so popular yet, and all I knew about it was that it was apparently just incredible. And then Edward/Bella happened and it was so lame and out of nowhere and creepy and I was like, 'Really? This is what people are getting so excited about?' So then I figured there must be a brilliant plot twist in store! And I convinced myself that he was going to wind up killing her, and it'd be revealed that she had just been under his vampire thrall the whole time, and it would just be creepy and hardcore and AWESOME. And then, they went to prom.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:32 No.6110937
Reading comprehension check:

>And now my favorite part, the parody they wrote that although it was supposed to come off as such, turned out to read just like the shit thats in the book which only makes it funnier:

>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:32 No.6110939
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Holy fuck, I cracked a rib laughing so hard.

<< It's all summed up pretty nicely like this, maybe?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:33 No.6110947
Tell your sister she's a god, and be glad she has such wisdom in her early years. I myself went through a very bad vampire phase in my early teens, anything vampire related was excellent as far as I was concerned. Thank God I grew out of it.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:34 No.6110952
The Tenchi Muyo fanfic I wrote when I was sixteen was better than the passages of Twilight in this thread.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:34 No.6110958
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:35 No.6110961
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:35 No.6110969
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:37 No.6110988
I've always hated vampires.

They just seem so cliche to me in general.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:37 No.6110992
I found Hermione relatable.
And I'm a guy

>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:38 No.6111003
Growing up on the Gargoyles cartoon [and Brooklyn and Goliath put the GAR in Gargoyles], I always loved those. I never understood why people loved Vampires so much when Gargoyles were so much more awesome.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:39 No.6111006
Immortality is a strong lure.

It means you can sex all you like, for as long as you like.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:39 No.6111011
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:39 No.6111014

I'm not sure I'm getting these...
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:40 No.6111021
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>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:42 No.6111039
>>6111021 Whore Ginny

OK, that's it. I'm getting the Tumbler.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:42 No.6111042
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You know what, I liked vampires in high school as well. I just happened to like ones that didn't absolutely suck ass.

It's led me to come up with my own concept of vampires within a huge sci-fi/fantasy universe of my own concoction but my deep-seated self-esteem issues have kept me from ever actually writing this shit down and getting some books out there.

Then again, the fact that shit like Twilight and D&D and Star Wars novels not only get published but also purchased and praised should be an encouragement for me. Still, I can't help but think that MY VAMPIRES ARE DIFFERENT is played out and will simply bore people now.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:44 No.6111055
Hey buddy, I'm >>6111003. I'm here to convince you to write about Gargoyles instead.

Think about it. Stony skin. Immortality. Still get to rip and tear and rend flesh. If you want, you can make them contagious like Vampires, too.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:45 No.6111060
I also notice that I seem to be a bit more eloquent than I usually am when it's late as fuck and I'm tired as fuck but the downside is that I often can't remember writing things down only moments later.

Seriously about half that post is a surprise to me.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:48 No.6111092
Gargoyles would not fit into my soft science magic-y universe.

MY VAMPIRES ARE DIFFERENT in that they were magically-engineered creations made from human stock by the powerful alien race that enslaved them. These guys also had living starships, living wormhole generators for instant transportation from one place to another, living buildings and vehicles, etc.

It's all very technical and I'm afraid I can't take the time to explain it to you, but not because I'm afraid you will laugh at it, no sir.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:50 No.6111104
Dude.... okay.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:51 No.6111109

so the aliens made them into MY GARGOYLES ARE DIFFERENT, doesn't seem that big of a stretch
>> Thatassholewritefag !GhdsxJ3slU 10/06/08(Mon)04:52 No.6111120
As I stepped into the room I noticed a tapestry of two beings conjoined at the waist in some bizzare sexual ritual. Strangely, one looked similar to one of my own kind copulating with a mortal whore. Was this some sort of prophecy of things to come? And if so how would this affect the future? What further clues would I find in this desolated wasteland of Forks?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:56 No.6111149
If I had a wormhole generator, I would be pleased in the knowledge that I wouldn't need any other goddamned technology again. Who the fuck is going to threaten someone who can just, well, sick a black hole on their planet? Who's going to threaten someone who can warp from here to --anywhere i goddamn please--?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)04:56 No.6111155
You didn't use the word "ironic" nearly enough. He should have also slaughtered them and drank their blood, because they're just humans and that's how he rolls.
>> Thatassholewritefag !GhdsxJ3slU 10/06/08(Mon)04:59 No.6111184
Was doing a room description. Enemies dont pop up till the cutscene is over.

Which I agree needed to be at least three pages long coming from Kain. But hey it's late and the blood meters running low.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:02 No.6111211
Another species with different technology but that can still do the same to your planet. Besides, why the fuck would you ruin perfectly good real estate?

The stories I'd like to tell also take place a very long time after these creatures have been annihilated by another race (sorta on accident, but don't tell the humans that), who now rule over the galaxy (mostly humans and engineered variations of them) benignly, forbidding certain technologies with the intent of preventing uprisings and whatnot and strictly regulating magic (an archaic term which some "magic" users resent for being so unscientific) and the availability of certain non-forbidden tech.

Also wormhole tech is pretty much lost, along with the rest of the shit the biotech guys had, but since they were organic and designed to reproduce themselves they're still in use 30,000 years after the war.

Christ, should I even be telling people this shit?
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:05 No.6111232
Can't they just study the living wormholes?

I never really got living technology in the first place. How is it that much better when your ship has to eat and you have to ask it to do things?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:05 No.6111233
Yes, you should. But not me. I'm going the fuck to sleep, as it's 5 am.

You really should start putting things to paper, though.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:06 No.6111238

because any one on /co/ is actually motivated enough to write a synopsis to get a story picked up. let alone steal yours and try to make a book out of it.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:11 No.6111260
Ohhey, PG. Not the Anon you're asking, but typically it depends on the structure you're making biological. I don't think housing is really necessary, but biological ships, tailored the right way, can be much more efficient than most kinds of artificial ships. In addition, it's likely that you'll save on crew, since a lot of the ship's systems can be handled by an on-board consciousness, rather than five men at computer benches.

Generally, though, it's not seen so much as a technological advancement a step ABOVE artificial systems so much as it's often seen as a REPLACEMENT. Most of the time in sci-fi when you see biological ships constructed, they're usually by races who have an easier time making them than they would other kinds of ships, or simply because that's what they have on hand. It's like how we used to use horses instead of cars. But what if we could simply modify the breed of horse until it also had the capabilities of a car? Well, if we had that kind of ability, it would be much easier for us to do than to discover several other branches of science necessary for ship construction.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:15 No.6111281
Well, I suppose, but then, why a living wormhole? There's no way giving a giant superweapon and potential catastrophe a form of brain could possibly be a good idea. And why wouldn't they be able to study the wormhole technology? Even if they did have the living ones, there would be a million other uses for the knowledge you'd glean from the things.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:16 No.6111285
I read the entire series. I'm ashamed that that was what got me into reading. The first book was pretty decent, but the author just went fucking crazy along the way. I powered through the last book, but goddamn it was pretty offensive (both the racist implications and horrible fucking dialogue. The ending was a shit fountain too.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:18 No.6111297
I dont think he said living wormhole.
If he did, then I dont understand it either, since it makes no physical sense.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:18 No.6111298
They haven't the faintest clue how to start since it's based on entirely different technology. They also don't really care since the wormholes are in place for the benefit of the humans. They can only connect to other wormhole creatures and the way you use them is to connect and then just walk the fuck through. Exploration of other worlds or traveling outside of the wormhole network can only be done through the use of a hyperspace-capable vessel, which is of course forbidden tech used only by the Karfalin (the tentacle-laden creatures who run the galaxy). I only use "hyperspace" because I can't think of a good word for what it is or even if such a word is necessary. It ties into how magic works. Basically it's a realm of near infinite energy that can be tapped into by certain organisms and governed by rules that differ greatly from the laws of physical reality, making FTL travel possible and allowing for psionic/magic/sorcerous/whatever you want to call it processes that seem to defy the Law of Conservation of Energy, among other things.

This all has very little to do with why Twilight sucks ass and why everybody writes vampires as morally conflicted pillow-biters and why my weird-ass vampires are less gay by my reckoning.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:22 No.6111314
Well, if you just want less-gay vampires, you could go for the Bram Stoker type. Or better yet, ORIGINAL vampires.

But really, if they know biology, and they know how to 'operate' the wormhole generators, shouldn't they be able to learn something about what these walking wormhole spitters are doing?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:28 No.6111341

truthfully, the most interesting parts of your story seem to have nothing to do with the MY VAMPIRES ARE DIFFERENT

so at least you have a good backdrop for something to happen instead of "so its just like real life, but... VAMPIRES GUYS"
>> Thatassholewritefag !GhdsxJ3slU 10/06/08(Mon)05:30 No.6111348
Personally I've always wanted to write a story of a classic medieval vampire surviving to a time of interstellar travel. Gets rather interesting when you try to explore the limits of your weaknesses as you travel through space.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:31 No.6111350
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Yeah, it's pretty fun. It kinda feels short to me, though; the end was sort of unsatisfying. The combat is interesting, though, and the dialogue is fun (as are the cute cutscenes) so it's worth at least a rent to play.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:32 No.6111355
I havent reached the end, I'm still on the colony of those electronic aliens, but does it seem to you like they...

I don't know... totally ripped off the Knuckles Archie series?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:34 No.6111362
They're not walking, for one thing, they're rooted in the ground, and for another, as I said, they have neither the know-how nor the incentive to do such a thing. They could presumably reverse-engineer them given the time and effort but it's much, much easier to simply take a clone bud and plant it and encourage it to grow to the size needed, or on the rare occasion it's required, undertake the effort to grow a fleet-sized one in orbit. Some do study them but rarely get anywhere, and it's forbidden for humans to study the things, a rule often echoed by the human governments under Karfalin dominion because the global economy is dependent on travel from other worlds, and as the old saying goes, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

If you're wondering why living starships and whatnot then the answer is simple: it's the only tech they ever had. Being carnivorous, the Dargrath (dead dinosaur-like folks) domesticated prey animals long before they discovered fire, since they really had little reason to. Millions of years later, their advanced knowledge of biology and the spectral components of living things (don't call it a soul, you backwater simpleton) allowed them to simply engineer creatures that could do whatever they needed. Tapping into the spectral plane (or hyperspace, whatever) to power their metabolism and the complex spectral machinery that kept them self-repairing indefinitely and storing organic materials required for that repair in extraspatial storage caches (another tech the Karfalin can't wrap their heads around), they beat the ever-loving shit out of any inorganic machinery around.

I still don't know why I'm repeating this once again on 4chan, in a thread that has fuck all to do with it no less.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:36 No.6111375
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Well, Bioware said that they were taking influences from the comics as well as from the games. Frankly, my only disappointment is no Miracle Planet, but Emerl being a key plot point is pretty awesome.

Electric aliens? Are those the...Zoans, I think? They're not too bad; certainly not as bad as fighting Nrr'gals or elite Nocturnes. Those damn regenerators are just cheap.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:39 No.6111381
Ah, so they're plants, not animals. That makes a lot more sense.

Well, sort of. All that spectral extraspatial stuff just sounds like cheating.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:39 No.6111382
Zoans' shields fucking annoy the hell outta me. OH GUESS WHAT NOW YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE DAMAGE TO ME FOR THE NEXT 6 OR SO ROUNDS ENJOY.

Knuckles discovers he's not actually the last of his kind when a technologically advanced, hitherto banished, lineage of echidnas, given in the title as the "Dark Brotherhood," escapes from the Twilight Cage -- a zone in which time flows differently from the rest of the normal world -- in order to take over the world. When a pink-colored echidna girl discovers that her kin don't have the best of intentions, she chooses to throw in her lot with Knuckles, becoming a possible romantic interest and slowly warming up to his wiles, sharing her knowledge of the inner workings of the "Dark Brotherhood."

Knuckles discovers he's not actually the last of his kind when a technologically advanced, hitherto banished, lineage of echidnas, given the name the Dark Legion, escapes from the Twilight Zone -- a zone in which time flows differently from the rest of the normal world -- in order to take over the world. When a pink-colored echidna girl discovers that her kin don't have the best of intentions, she chooses to throw in her lot with Knuckles, becoming a romantic interest and slowly warming up to his wiles, sharing her knowledge of the inner workings of the Dark Legion.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:40 No.6111384
Well I haven't even gotten to the vampires yet. What's crazy is that they're where all this shit started. I wanted some cool vamps so I came up with the typical THEY HAVE A DEMON FORM OH JEEZ animu thing but wasn't satisfied with it. It eventually morphed into rapid regeneration, even of vital organisms and limbs and I thought what the fuck why not head and brain, too? They needed some sort of energy source to power this ridiculously inefficient process (THEY DRINK SOUL ESSENCE) and a source of the organic material you need to regrow a limb from nothing (THEY STORE BLOOD OUTSIDE OF PHYSICAL SPACE) and from there the engineered thing and their purpose as spies amongst the human slaves of their enemies, with their conscious control of their growth (shapeshifting and all), blah blah blah.

Basically by the time I was done with them they hardly resembled vampires anymore. Their hearts beat, the sun gives them a tan and nothing more (cancer is easy to get rid of when you can tell it to go away), they don't thirst for blood any more than you thirst for water, they're not as angsty as you would expect, and they don't feel conflicted about their mortal life because they have absolutely no recollection of it.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:41 No.6111387
Well, Shade's more of an orange than a pink and not much of a love interest, but yeah, the whole thing does give a giant Dark Legion vibe. Unfortunately, Lord Ix is nowhere near as cool as Dmitri, Finitevus or KRAGOK.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:43 No.6111393
They're not really either one, actually. Once you get to the point where you can create life from scratch you don't really have to play by the rules put in place by the constraints of the environment.

The Dargrath are definitely animals, though. They're descended from theropods, you see. This all takes place in a parallel universe where the Mesozoic extinction event never occurred and a breeding population of humans were dumped there by an as-yet unexplained quantum event that conveniently excuses my lack of an answer for SO WHERE DO HUMANS COME FROM, SMARTASS?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:45 No.6111400
No one's as awesome as Doc Fin. I'd actually like to see Archie sorta reconcile it with the comics, though. We know that the Brotherhood of Guardians was tossed into the Twilight Zone by Finitevus, and I'd like to see Knuckles venture in there and happen across the Chronicles aliens.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:46 No.6111405
The problem with this book series is that it sells. Why are people paying for WHY? WHY? WHY?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:47 No.6111406
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>Dark Brotherhood
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:50 No.6111414
Hopefully we'll get a story like that when Sonic Universe starts. If nothing else, by treating the Twilight Zone like a Phantom Zone we could have a place to throw the Black Arms and Xorda.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:51 No.6111420
I like to pretend they just wiped each other out. As far as I'm concerned, they were both stupid plot points. And besides, now that we know about the link between Black Arms and Shadow, there's no need to actually SEE them.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:54 No.6111430
It's really odd how many times aliens come up in Sonic the Hedgehog. It never really works in the series (except for Chronicles) but there's too many stories in space to count.

Sonic needs to stop reaching for the stars in this case.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:55 No.6111437
I could actually see the Bem fitting in in Chronicles, though. And at least Flynn made the chaos emeralds make sense. Sonic using the red emeralds on the insect world to go... uh... Fleetway Super was a little messed. But no more!, I should really get sleep, I have the feeling I'm making less and less sense now.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:56 No.6111441
What the fuck is all this?

Yeah, I know, slowpoke.gif
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)05:57 No.6111444
I can't be the only one who liked it better when Sonic the Hedgehog HAD no fucking plot.

>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:57 No.6111449
Well, Flynn hasn't really written an alien story yet; the chaos emeralds in space could be the chaos emeralds from anywhere for the story to work, they just happened to have been from space since canon put them there before. Bem, though... I don't know. I just never really like their stories, if only because half of their existence is as walking retcon machines.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)05:58 No.6111455
The new game looks like it has little to no plot, so you're good to go there. But for a comic series and an RPG, you do need a bit more.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:00 No.6111467
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Somebody posts DA comic about how Twilight sucks, we start talking about how Twilight sucks and why, for some reason I start posting about my unwritten sci-fi/fantasy shit and somebody else brings up the new Sonic the Hedgehog RPG.

Same /co/, different day.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:02 No.6111480

I like the thread in its current form ten times more than its inception
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:05 No.6111493
Yeah, alot of threads can turn into Sonic threads when you'd least expect it.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:06 No.6111499
I lol'd.
They're retcon machines in a canon that needs a LOT of cleaning up, as far as I'm concerned. So I'm cool with them.

This is acceptable. Still, it's okay for Sonic to have a plot as long as it doesn't really take itself too seriously, and it isn't that deep. Even Shadow was okay when he was first introduced because he was pretty badass. A lot less aimless and angsty than he is now,
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:08 No.6111508
Oddly enough, I find that Sonic Comics are the most often questionably-related tangent. It's rare that a thread about, say, WITCH will come up, and will devolve into thirty posts about, like, Namor.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:09 No.6111517

Forgot your links
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)06:11 No.6111528
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Sooner or later, every path finishes at the hedgehog.

Yeah, but the fact that they really don't have much use outside of plot devices is grating. Oh, too many Robians! Change 'em back! Roboticization getting old? Can never use it again for some reason! Robotnik's not too cool as an actual robot? Change him back! Sonic needs to get home from space and Tails' parents need to exist? Have him go to them for help!

They're just so CONVENIENT.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:11 No.6111532

...fucking TVTropes.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:16 No.6111553
>and Tails' parents need to exist?

Still lolling.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:16 No.6111554
Yes, I'm well aware of that, but I was avoiding linking to it because I didn't want to spend an hour there before remembering what I was doing or suck others into that trap.

Besides, my vampires really are different. I mean, you can hardly call 'em vampires.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)06:18 No.6111564
Then don't call 'em vampires.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:20 No.6111575
They feed on the essence of humans to survive and are practically immortal.

What should I call them?
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)06:22 No.6111584
Whatever you want, dude, it's sci-fi.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:26 No.6111596
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It is and it isn't. More science fantasy than sci-fi. Besides, making up words when it's not necessary is just shitty writing.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)06:27 No.6111599
I love sci-fi, its so much better than fantasy.
>> Penguin God !h3Q.DfHKtQ 10/06/08(Mon)06:28 No.6111601
This is a basically new species, a new form of alien, sort of. It'd be easier to just call them a new name than to say "well, these are vampires, but not really."
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)07:18 No.6111770
So humans call them vampires, but their masters and other advanced cultures call them by their real name
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)07:37 No.6111821
Doesn't /co/...Hell, all of 4chan, get just as gushy over Song of Ice and Fire as fangirls do about Twilight?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)07:48 No.6111859
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)07:53 No.6111874
What is /co/'s obsession with this book anyway?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)07:57 No.6111886
'Edward Cullen is so beautiful I creamed myself'.
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)08:01 No.6111893
I... I love you /co/
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)08:07 No.6111914
Wait a second, when did /co/ turn into ONTD Twatlight memes?
>> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)08:08 No.6111919
/co/ likes ripping anything they hate to shreds. (see also: CAD)