>>42295401

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

>>42295401

If whales are such good musicians, why don't they form Orcastras?

i just fuckin smashed my table and my glass of water dropped. thank you.

If a fire hydrant has H20 on the inside, ont he outside it must contain K9P.

MORE

>>42295432
If only i have realized this earlier

best thread of the day

Why don't ants go into the church?

Because they are in-sects.

>>42295441
almost the same here, but it was my coke

This thread calls for a FIESTA

Did you hear about the quadrupal amputee stranded in the pool?

I believe his name was Bob.

Is Ika Musume cute?

I geso.

So two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal stops, and looked to the other. He asks:

"Does this taste funny?

All of my rage and laughter.

ITT: one bad pun after another

>>42295576

It would appear I made a slight mistake. It's okay, I think I got the picture across.

>>42295547
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH

>>42295552

I can bearly contain my laughter.

>>42295552
I chuckled.

My friend went in for surgery on his toe the other day. Needed some prosthetics, or something. Apparently in the middle of surgery, the surgeon received some mail. His new name is Roberto.

My older sister has a paper due tomorrow, but she keeps playing video games! She won't get anywhere in life with all this procrasti-nee-chan.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

Saving all these.

I was walking down the road the other day, when I saw a dog walk out of a building! As he walked out,t he door slammed shut on his tail! Can you believe it!

"Are you okay, little dog?!" I asked. He looked at me a bit puzzled, and simply responded:

"It won't be long now."

>>42295699
tan would have worked better.

>>42295668

More bad puns dammit, MORE.

Did anybody else hear about the octopus who went to war?

I heard he's well armed.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

MAKE IT STOP

I LOVE YOU OP

>Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

So two chimneys were sitting next to the other. One chimney was relatively new to the building, while the other had been there for years. Suddenly, a cloud appears out of the new one. The older chimney looks over towards him, and slaps him. Angrily, he scolds:

"You're too young to smoke!"

Enough is enough.

Two nuns walk into a liquor store and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whiskey he had.

The clerk replied "Heck no sister, you're nuns and aren't supposed to drink that stuff!"

The nun said "Well my son it is not for us you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers "She has the constipation."

The clerk said "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have."

The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave.

A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

Back in the day, why couldn't they condemn a girl that had a twin for sorcery ?

'cause you can't tell which witch is which

derp

Keep goin OP

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They’re twins!

If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal!

So I walked in my house the other day, and there on the floor was something brown, and sticky!

It was a twig.

ACHIVE NOW! I DEMAND CAPS

<--- Obligatory

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

So two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

BU DUM, TSS!

>>42295865

HERP

LOL

i and pi are having an argument.

i tells pi 'Be rational.'
pi responds with 'Get real.'

Read pun. Click this.

http://yeahbutton.com/

YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords. The crowd is huge - thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness, can't help but have a little rivalry, both being heads of churches and all.

The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen, "Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice. They will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants."

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slaps her.

>>42295932
More like "Get a life"

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

Two whales are swimming along one day when one spots a boat up ahead. He turns to his buddy and says, "Hey, you wanna have some fun? Let's go tip over that boat!"

So they both head for the surface and get their lungs full of air. They then dive and shoot all the air out of their blowholes. The ship tips over as planned and the whales swim away.

Not too far away, the first whale turns to his buddy again and says, "Hey, how about we go back and swallow up some of the survivors?"

To this the second whale says, "Look, I don't mind giving a blow job, but I hate swallowing seamen."

So my friend started growing a garden. Apparently he started to grow it on his face! I looked to him, and exclaimed "You won't be able to do that on your face!"

He replies "I've already grown tulips."

Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.

>>42295974

Da ha ha ha! Good ones, man!

A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

What do vegan zombies eat?

Graaaaaaaaaains...

>>42296053

So my friend was looking down the other day and I asked him what was wrong. He sighed and said

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

OP you are a great man

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

Two fish are swimming around in a tank frantically. One fish looks to the other and dictates:

"You drive! I'll man the guns!"

>>42296053
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

>>42295942

A couple of elephants were swimming around in a pool the other day. Eventually, a lifeguard ran over to them, and ordered them out of the area!

Apparently they kept dropping their trunks.

How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?

He doesn't - he declares Darkness the new industry standard.

>this entire thread

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

Because he had no body to go with.

I adopted a child from a third world country to save him from having to work in a sweatshop.

For his birthday this year, I took him to Build-A-Bear Workshop.

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

>mfw

>>42296121
>>42296125

>>42296257

I've got to get moving now, /a/. I'll be around some other time.

Remember, never tell the same joke twice. It eventually gets Salty.

Anyone have the green-oval link for the Osaka Jokes thread? Seem to lost it and I'm too lazy to look for it.

There's too much ecchi and erotic stuff in anime.
We should call it erome

It...it's not like I like this thread or anything.

>>42296375

Later! I'm off to do some runnin' in the sky

>>42296375

OP You're a hero.... Know that you didn't die invain.

Black beauty, he was a dark horse.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

bcuz ur fat

The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

>>42296375
Wait! Before you go, let me just give you a round of ap-paws.

Best thread on /a/

I tossed a man in a meatgrinder. I didn't get his name. I'm gonna call him Chuck.

I just bought a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it...

>>42296641

What did Roa say to Ciel?

"Long time no be."

>>42296472

cracking up in the fucking library thanks jackass

Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

Guys I feel tired.

>>42296550
GLORIOUS

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.

I dropped my toothpaste this morning. I was quite crestfallen.

Alright listen to this one!

What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?

All it takes is one prick and its all over.

Prison walls are never built to scale.

I went to a quarry the other day and said to the foreman
"that's a big rock"
"boulder?"
"THAT'S A BIG ROCK"

>this thread

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

Women who are good at fighting don't like to wait for my punchlines.

Kuroko is a teleporting 14 year old lesbian.

I guess you could say she comes just as fast as she leaves

>>42296394
Osaka jokes? I want it.

My neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic-converter

Somebody archive this shit

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

>>42296394
>>42296917

http://green-oval.net/cgi-board.pl/a/thread/34683343#p34683343

This?

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

Mi casa es Tsukasa

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

It was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.

I went to the watch shop the other day and said,
"i want to buy a watch"
"analogue?"
"no, just a watch"

>>42297081

When chemists die, we barium.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Went to the butchers the other day, as soon as i walked in the door the butcher said, "i bet you cant reach those peices of meat on that shelf over there"
i said "i'm not betting, the steaks are too high"

>>42296550

A hamburger was asked by his fellow burgers what his worst university subject was.

He answered "Economnomnomics"

Anyone else remember this?
I thought it was very punny.

>this thread

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:12 pm UTC
A pirate walks into a bar. Bartender notices he has a belt buckle shaped like the steering wheel on a ship. The bartender asks about the wheel. The pirate replies...

"Y'arrr....it's driving me nuts!"

guy walked up to me and said " ive got the bubonic plague!"

i said "don't give me that"

Needs more cripple jokes.